Dear Kinja

It's been a very busy couple of weeks, but I don't dare gloat because it means I'm guaranteed a dry spell in the near future, haha. I've had a few nights with three bookings – which I've actually discovered is kind of my maximum, as when you're driving yourself everywhere and allowing time between bookings to do whatever needs to be done, that's the night done with pretty much. I could work more if I worked later, but I've entered the Old Years and function much better all day if I'm bed by about midnight. Even Friday and Saturday night shifts, which can wind up anywhere between midnight and 8 a.m. depending on my diary, can be a bit much if I've got stuff to do first thing in the morning. Saturday nights especially usually garner a booking or two from some random who texts "u busy??" at 3 a.m. but some nights I have to resist the temptation to be greedy, and just switch the phone off and go to bed.

One of the biggest and best differences I've found between working for an agency and working independently is that I'm able to manage my own time. For the agency (although this was years ago, maybe their practices have changed), the time you had to shower was actually included in the client's booking time. Most of them were fine with this as they'd finished (IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN) well and truly before the hour was up, but occasionally someone would get pissy and all you could say was "Sorry, it's the policy". Now I factor in shower/getting-your-shit-together time on top of booking time, and feel much less pressure.

The downside to working independently is, obviously, the safety factor. So far the social contract between client and escort to be most excellent to each another has been honoured by pretty much all of my clients, but I can't lie, the thought that there could be trouble does cross your mind, especially when you're making a visit to one of the "bad" neighbourhoods. (I know some sex workers who just blacklist certain suburbs, but I don't have that luxury as I take what I can get.) And aside from physical risk, I've learned how much more generally annoying the job is when there's no buffer between you and literally every person in the world who has access to your phone number. I've said this before but anywhere up to half the calls I get are total wastes of time.

Anyway, what's been happening these couple of weeks? Here are the highlights.

Diary of a b grade hooker, entry #19

I had a very pleasant four hours with an amputee (hence the picture accompanying today's diary entry). He told me in advance when he made the booking, which I consider to be a courtesy but not mandatory. It wasn't physically disconcerting like the client with the burn scars from a few entries back. It was more a question of working out positions that worked best, and not doing that thing where you obnoxiously over-compensate out of guilt for being able-bodied yourself. He seemed to have a great time, and I liked him just fine. He's already made arrangements to see me again.

One night I had three bookings with three different clients at the same hotel. I didn't plan this, it just turned out in that particular super-convenient way. Having thought about it some more, I'm guessing there was a conference or convention going on? Two of the bookings were essentially back to back, and then I had a 90 minute break before the last one. I went to the hotel restaurant and treated myself to dinner and wine, and pretended I was one of the high class girls. One of my clients actually came in with some other people and had dinner too, but he did not spot me, as the restaurant was pretty crowded and there were lots of solo diners of both genders scattered about the place. And I can't lie – when I'm loitering in hotel restaurants or bars and spot other solo women hanging about the place I wonder briefly: are you one of us? I have occasionally spotted an acquaintance who I know is a sex worker, but we never stop and say hello, just do that thing where you make eye contact and smile and nod.

I had a booking with a client who, when I inspected the ol' meat and two veg prior to getting underway (yes, I do this, some don't but I do), turned out to have a ginormous cluster of very unsightly genital warts. He said that he had no idea, and whilst on the one hand I kind of doubt that, on the other hand they were in a place not within normal visual range. I actually used my compact mirror to show him. I cancelled the booking obviously but when I tried to charge a cancellation fee he became belligerent. I suspect a lot of this was because he was embarrassed and lashed out at a nearby convenient target, i.e. me. In some circumstances I would have maybe been assertive and insisted on the fee, but for various factors, including his size, I made a snap decision to just bow out. I did make a note against his name in my phone though, so if he contacts me again I'll know who it is and check on the wart situation before committing to a booking.

Just while I'm on the subject of sexual health – I'm as careful of mine as I can possibly be. This includes that when I'm working I get tested regularly. I'm lucky enough where I live that there's a public health service that tests and treats sexually transmitted diseases for free.

I asked a client to show me proof of age, and he turned out to be 27.

I had a booking with a client who was essentially Richmond the Goth from The IT Crowd.

Diary of a b grade hooker, entry #19

I very nearly cancelled the booking but I was so, so curious that I stayed. The background music was actually Cradle of Filth. He kept lightly nipping at my neck in a manner which made me really strongly suspect he was playing around the edges of some vampire-type fantasy. I kept wanting to say "If you'd warned me in advance and if you paid me more money I'd be up for this" but it was never quite the right moment. His makeup ended up smeared all over me, and his bed sheets. He kept his cape on while we were doing it. I could not make this shit up.

I had another booking with another virgin and this one was, I think, a lot more successful than the last one I wrote about. This dude didn't have an elaborate deflowering scenario planned out, and didn't spring a roleplay on me. I obviously didn't ask any questions about why he was a virgin (as I consider things like this to be none of my damn business) but he was very chatty and wanted to talk his nerves out before we started. He said that none of his friends knew as he was careful to just go along with all the bro sex talk (and I of course mentally flashed to the "bags of sand" scene in 40 Year Old Virgin) and he had a feeling women weren't interested in him because he was short. Which he was, but I never quite understand when men talk about this as though it's a date-life-crippling deficit. Most of the women I know have had sex with at least one man shorter than they are, but I do obviously understand that height is one of those super sensitive issues when it comes to mainstream norms to do with attraction and dating. Once the talking was over and we got down to it, it was over very quickly and without much trouble. He seemed very happy afterwards and said, more than once, "Thanks so much, I'm just so relieved I've got that out of the way now".

I've been in correspondence with someone who wants a dinner date as well as hanky-panky... except it's all become a bit weird because he feels that if he's taking me out to one of the best restaurants in town then maybe that's time he shouldn't be charged for on top of the two hours he wants in his hotel room after. He isn't due in town for a couple of weeks yet but I am now being faced with a dilemma. If I stick to my guns and charge for time spent with me I risk losing the entire booking. But if I give him "social time" for free, or at a discount, that's taking a few steps onto what can sometimes end up a bit of a slippery slope. Besides, it's apparently a seriously good restaurant and the sort of place I would never ever get a chance to go to otherwise. I'll think this over some more.

Finally, here is today's Real Text Conversation, Illustrated. It started off normally. He called to make a booking. Asked a few questions, which I answered. We agreed on the time and date, and fee. I told him to text me to confirm on the day, and the following ensued. Enjoy! :D

Diary of a b grade hooker, entry #19

Diary of a b grade hooker, entry #19